Has No One Seen My Beloved?

For years I pursued the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — the things of the world. But deep inside me, there was always emptiness and loneliness. Always searching for something, without knowing what.

While I was still dancing and playing about in the world, delighting myself in the things of the world, one day, quite unexpectedly, there came a gentle knock at the door of my heart.

I peered closer to see who was knocking.

What I saw stirred everything within me. My heart leapt, and I was instantly head over heels in love.

I hurried and opened the door, because I knew: this was what I had been searching for all my life — my Beloved!

What a wonderful, wonderful encounter!

When I heard my Beloved’s sweet voice for the first time, everything within me changed. It was as though my eyes had been opened, and I began to understand — everything I had not understood before.

I wanted more and more of my Beloved. I wanted to know Him better, hear more from Him, and draw closer to Him. But then my Beloved began to turn away.

I called and called, but my Beloved did not answer. The more I called, the quieter it became.

I began to search deep within myself. Had I done something wrong? Why had my Beloved begun to turn away? Was there something in me that grieved Him? I did not understand. I had wanted nothing more than to draw closer to Him, to hear more from Him, and to know Him better.

Then I began to see myself through my Beloved’s eyes. Things I had not noticed before suddenly became clear. I began to see how unclean I still was, how much there was in my life that did not agree with His holiness. The things that had once seemed normal to me now looked different. My own shortcomings, my sins, my thoughts, and the desires of my heart stood before me. The closer I wanted to come to my Beloved, the more I realised how much in my life still needed to change.

But I could not pretend that I had never met my Beloved. I could not return to the life I had known before, as though nothing had happened. I had seen something that changed my heart forever. I had heard His voice, and nothing else could quiet the longing He had awakened within me.

“I have taken off my robe; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I defile them?”

I ran out, pursuing my Beloved. I had to find Him. I had to know where He was, and how I could draw closer to Him.

The people I ask whether they have seen my Beloved laugh at me. Some even begin to beat me and act as though I am insane. I do not understand. Have they not seen my Beloved? Are they not also lovesick? Do they not also long for their Beloved to come fully into their lives?

I run from square to square, searching for my Beloved. I cannot rest until I have found Him, whatever it may cost, even if I have to lay down my life. For I have seen my Beloved, and I am head over heels in love!

Then I hear of a Beloved who is praised and glorified. Excitedly, I hurry there. Here is my Beloved! I think. But in vain — this is not the Beloved I encountered.

Then I hear of crowds of people gathering to worship a beloved. Once again, I hurry there excitedly. Perhaps He is here! Perhaps they have met Him too! But in vain. My heart sinks. Here too, I do not find the Beloved who touched my heart so deeply.

Everywhere I hear people talking about a beloved. Everywhere they testify about him. Each time, my heart begins to hope. Could this be my Beloved they are talking about? Have they found Him? Do they know Him as I know Him?

But when I arrive, I must realise again and again: this is not the Beloved I have seen.

I grow discouraged. Has no one seen my Beloved? No one, not even one?

Nothing matters to me anymore. Not what people think or say. All that matters to me is my Beloved, whom I have seen. I must find Him. But where else must I search?

I do not want to please anyone. I no longer want to follow people or be satisfied with what they offer me. I seek only my Beloved — the One who changed my heart forever.

I must find Him, before it is too late.